Day #265

Almost missed it.

Didn't.

Today was "reptiles of the mind" day in the daily meditations book.

I hate to contemplate what the creatures of my mind have evolved into at this point.

Day #264

Today's thought is about bingeing on life instead of the booze.

I can't help but think that THAT is a poor choice of words.

Maybe it's just me.

Day #263

I'm falling into the bad habit of waiting until the afternoon to post this.

On the other hand, if that's the total of my current bad habits, I'll take it.

Day #262

There are some things that could be going better, in my mind.

Those things happen. I've come to accept that without tranquilizing myself.

The staying-sober-thing is still going as well as it can, fortunately.

Day #261

Good golly, the sleep schedule can get messed up fairly easily. I woke up at 3 AM wondering if I had a Friday entry or if I had finally missed a day. I did, therefore I didn't.

On the plus side, I don't see that as any reason whatsoever to consider a drink.

I consider that a good thing.

Day #260

Another big, round Base-10 number.

Yippee!

Or, another day sober.

Something like that.

Day #259

I read the book given by the director of the treatment center daily.

I hate to put it this way, but it rarely helps.

Fortunately, the choice to remain dry stays with me and I realize that it's a better choice.

Day #258

Once again, it almost happens that I miss a day.

Fortunately, I didn't miss a day and here I am.

Still dry and still making it.

Day #257

Overall at this point, I really don't have any complaints.

The time will come, I'm sure, but it's not today.

Day #256

The start of a new week could be the start of something new, every week.

A lot of it depends on the attention paid, I think.

Day #255

It's been repeated that there is supposed to be something out there that will occupy my brain in the same way that drinking would.

I have no real desire to try heroin, however.

Day #254

I am having little, if any, trouble going without at this point.

The simple rules still work at this point.

It's when tomorrow gets here that I begin to wonder.

Day #253

Every once in a while, there are days of work like this day has been.

It's at these times that I remember the words of Leo McGarry:

I'm an alcoholic. I don't need a good reason to.

For some reason, I feel better about not needing a reason in the first place and just forgetting about it for another day.

With any luck, it will be forgotten for another day after that.

Day #252

Memory is a funny thing.

I was 5 or 6 when we moved out of Eagan, MN up to the Range.

I wasn't very happy about it, but tried to think of positives about the move.

One of the positives that I thought of was that there would be fewer drug influences up on the Range than there would be in the metro area.

Maybe I've known what an addictive person I am even longer than I previously realized.

Day #251

As I was reading this morning, I came across this:

I was entirely unaware of just how aligned with doom and misery I am, especially given how I don't really feel the slightest bit doomed or miserable. It's a bit like hearing that, because you enjoy, say, strong coffee and ornithology and reciting Yeats in the shower, your left leg is much more likely to suddenly fall off without warning. Wait, what? Really? My leg? That's ridiculous. My leg feels just fi-- oh wait, is that a tingle? Am I limping?

At least I can say that the original writer and I are feeling better than some stereotypes are at this stage of our lives.

I can also say that that was about how I felt when I woke up on that day in November last year, post-initial stroke...

Day #250

I basically made the decision to not go to the Monday meeting last night.

This, of course, led to a simple question: Are you drinking again?

No. If I were to drink again, it would be obvious. I would probably be going to six meetings a week and sneaking a sip while I wasted an hour in the car.

I would probably be boasting about the program and the wonders it's done for me.

No, I am not drinking again.

My brain doesn't allow me the wonders of sobriety, but that's the way it is when I'm sober.

Day #249

Well, it almost did happen again, but I managed to remember a daily posting here anyway.

Not that there is anything new, fortunately.

Still sober and such.

Day #248

I've got to admit that it's a bit easier during the week when I'm getting paid to stay awake through hours like this.

On the other hand...

Day #247

On the positive side, I got a whole bunch of things done yesterday.

I haven't been able to figure out when I should sleep since then, unfortunately.

Day #246

As I encounter more and more people coming back to the hotel after their drinking sessions until the wee hours, a part of me wants to apologize for the lifestyle for so long.

I would hope that any annoyance caused by me was quickly brought to my attention throughout, however.

This would be a good time for the Kilgore Trout creed: "You were sick, but now you are well again. And there's work to be done."

I'm feeling better now, as well.

Day #245

Things continue to happen that would lead to a session of "going to the Bahamas..."

I do realize that drinking wouldn't make it easier to fix anything.

Fortunately, I do realize that.

Day #244

Every once in a while, I amuse myself contemplating what life would have been without the thirst.

It doesn't last very long because it's useless.

I am who I am and will remain who I am and was for a long time.

Day #243

For some reason, Leo McGarry's quotes are running through my mind:

That's because you think it has something to do with smart and stupid. You have any idea how many alcoholics are in Mensa? You think it's a lack of willpower? That's like thinking somebody with anorexia nervosa has an overdeveloped sense of vanity...

For some reason...

Day #242

If a person were to ask me how sobriety is, I don't even know what my answer would be.

On the other hand, I am still sober.

I've got that going for me, at least.

Day #241

It's almost to the point where I've accepted sobriety, but I am still happy to simply be sober.

Make of that what you will.

Day #240

All I can really say at this point is that I'm glad for the simple rules.

It's better to keep them simple.

Day #239

Working through the weekend isn't going to be the same as it used to be.

I'm not getting wasted immediately in the mornings.

I would have to say that some changes are for the better, overall.

Day #238

A dilemma is going to present itself on Friday, as it turns out.

The Vikings have a game and one of the few reasons I have been going to the Friday meeting is that I don't have to work on Friday night.

That has changed this week.

I'm not sure that I want to be zipping back and forth to town that many times in a day.

Something to ponder, I guess.

Day #237

On a positive note, I have fewer alcohol-related job crises now.

The ones that I have are due to coworkers, even.

Once in a while, they can even benefit their sober coworkers.

Day #236

I could say that I missed the meeting last night due to the Vikings, but I won't.

It was nearly a well-planned miss of a meeting simply because I needed to miss a few meetings.

It's not that I want to miss the meetings, really.

There are moments that I need to miss the meetings, however, because when I get right down to the basics, I am the only thing/person standing between me and more booze.

That's the skill that needs to be developed more than anything, in my opinion.

Actually, it's not even a skill. I wasn't born with an elevated B.A.C. and it's remarkable to think that I would need one in order to get through another day.

So, in summation, I didn't drink. I didn't go to the store.

I didn't want to.