Day #143

Yesterday I was on the way to visit someone and had time to stop in at Wal-Mart. I was wearing my sunglasses because it was a beautiful day out. Also, it was nice to finally have a haircut.

As I walked into the store there was the usual rush of people that have just checked out as they jostle for position for getting out of the door as quickly as possible.

One of the first faces that I saw was this person that was in treatment with me for a week before graduating. It's amusing to me to see the look on a person's face when they go through the shock of recognition and scurry away before they have to acknowledge me.

These things happen.

Day #142

Spurious Argument Theater: Even with a new haircut I didn't really have an overwhelming urge to drink.

I was urging myself to sleep for a while, though.

Day #141

There is being tired and then there is being overtired.

Guess which one I am.

C'mon...guess...

Day #140

There's something nice about the round numbers that appeals to the Base-10 in me.

Day #139

There are times when the day annoys me.

That puts it in a very long list of things, frankly, but that's what I'm used to.

Day #138

I'm not even sure what to type up today.

The KISS principle remains high on my list of things to do.

(Keep It Simple, Stupid)

But you knew that...

Day #137

I shouldn't spend so much time thinking about the rules...

That's when my brain tries to find so many ways around it.

Day #136

Yes, it's still one day at a time and I'm still Earl.

That is all that you need to know for now.

Day #135

At this point, alcohol isn't really the problem. I still do remember how bad it got and have no desire to return to that point.

I'm still fairly certain that I'm not going to live forever, though.

Jim Morrison told me so...

Day #134

Strangely enough, the internet is not really a trigger.

Thank god for that.

Day #133

Due to the internet being down at work (and greater Virginia!), today would have been one hell of a big trigger in older days.

Fortunately, I'm already calming down about it.

Day #132

Not to be skeptical, but this article is more true than I care to admit. The medical problems I've gone through made me more a believer in me than anything the program, which I consider worthwhile for many, would consider a higher power.

I've taken the long view of my problem and learned to stay away from that first step of buying the stuff in the first place. Sometimes it can be that easy, really.

I used to use the bottle to continue making bad decisions time and again.

Now I just make'em on my own...

Day #131

In a strange dream sequence yesterday, I was in possession of two cans of beer. There was an argument at that point of the dream as I attempted to exchange them for something else.

I wish I could tell you what the resolution of the argument was, but it was at that point that I woke up.

Later, that day I made it to my Monday meeting and things seemed to keep going along fine.

Odd.

Day #130

Ah, the joys of reaching another base-10 milestone number.

If I were a kidding type, I would have to ask if this entry is only time today...

HA!

Day #129

Just in case you thought had forgotten, I had not. I'm thinking that after a year of this I may give it up, but have about 230 (+/-) days left to wonder.

It's still Sunday, thought, so I still have time to acknowledge another day.

Day #128

Words of the Day last night - anonymity and balance.

First off, there have been some complaints about people broadcasting the group and individual names in public. That remains a good reason for me to be the way I am as I walk through Target.

The other word, balance, was the description used of a life "well-lived," I guess. Seeking the proper ration of work/play/etc. in our lives.

That hasn't been my problem, so I focused on the fact that I had to re-learn my balance over the past few months.

At least that part of it seems to be going well.

Day #127

I have fallen behind in the reading of the daily meditations, I'm afraid.

On the other hand, I seem to be reading more and more each day and I've even been able to complete a couple of online puzzles and crosswords which I didn't seem to have the patience for a couple of months ago.

Just in time for the summer.

Day #126

On the brighter side, I've come to accept the fact that I popped my brain for one simple reason: I'm getting better.

I've noticed that I can speak fairly well even though I have some strange random pauses when I do speak. Another perceived problem is staying on message once in a while.

That happens when I type, as well.

Also noticed is the fact that my walking is improved. My right leg still acts like a dead weight on occasion, but I can even walk up stairs without the handrail now.

Overall, (most) things are better.

Day #125

Once in a while, I do tire of the recollections of the past that a meeting seems to consist of.

I do understand the necessity of it all, but I am trying to move on.

Day #124

I wonder what I would have done for one of these a few months ago.

Or today.

Day #123

Welcome to the new day, of course.

And, for me, welcome to a whole new set of triggers.

They happen, of course.

Day #122

Another day passed and Sundays are easier at least.

The stores are closed.

Day #121

Time to go to the movies today.

Day #120

Today marks 4 months of this.

I hate to sound overconfident, but so far I remain confident.

Day #119

Made it through another day unscathed and I still cannot think of a decent reason to start it up again.

I guess that counts as a win.

Day #118

From my book Touchstones for Monday, when I learned of the tragic events of the weekend:

Detachment is a mature and wise way of dealing with life experiences. It is sometimes difficult because it challenges our maturity. How can we take failure lightly when we have been taught all our lives to be winners and to accept every dare? How can we stand back from a loved one who is anxious and in pain, still be supportive, but not take charge as if it were our problem?

We can question some of our old ideas. Maybe we were wrong to think we should always be Prince Charming who rescues maidens in distress. Maybe our ideas about being winners have been compulsions that stood in our way of having true friends.

The odd thing is that my co-workers generally think that if I were any more detached from this world that they would begin to really wonder about me...

Day #117

I first met Buck on my final day in the treatment center. He was moved into the bed next to mine as I was packing and moving out.

He had moved into the 12 Step House after he finished treatment. I saw him there a few more times over the weeks as I attended my Monday night meetings at the house.

I was told that Buck got a weekend pass last week. Apparently there was drinking, an argument, and a stupid, final act.

Buck won't be coming back to the 12 Step House.

Day #116

Seemed to get a bunch of stuff done yesterday. Old deck relocated. Some siding removed. Docks set into the cold, cold water.

It all went fairly well, but it is interesting to do things like that now.

I had my coordination-thing down pretty well. I could yank a stump out of the ground and know where my feet needed to be in order to keep my center of gravity in balance and all that.

Not so well, anymore.

Not horribly bad, but enough to be noticeable.

That's enough for me, I guess. Time to keep learning all that.

Day #115

There's nothing quite like ripping the siding off the house...

Nothing.

Day #114

Oh, my.

That's what a decent night's sleep feels like.

Day #113

As I breathe a sigh of relief when the computer remembers yet another password for me.

Well, into the weekend we go!!